What is mediation?
Why would I mediate instead of litigate my divorce?
How can I mediate with my spouse? We can barely talk to each other.
How does the process work?
What is the mediator’s role?
How long does mediation take?
Is mediation right for me?
What do I need to bring to the first mediation session?
What documents will I need to gather and/or prepare for mediation?
Do I still need an attorney even if I choose to mediate?
Do I need to hire other experts and professionals?
How can I get my spouse to come to mediation?
How much does mediation cost?
I don’t understand finance or our personal finances very well. How can I mediate when I don’t know everything about our money and how it all works?
Can mediation work in complicated financial situations?
Do I still need a lawyer?
Will you help us in determining what is best for our children?
Is a mediation agreement legally binding?
Q: What is mediation?
A: Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process. In a divorce mediation, you and your spouse meet and talk together with the assistance, guidance and encouragement of a trained communications facilitator (mediator). In these meetings, you will work out your own settlement solutions to specific issues and conflicts. Mediation is also confidential and voluntary.
TOP
Q: Why would I mediate instead of litigate my divorce?
A: Mediation is faster, less expensive and tends to create much less emotional turbulence for you and your children than the adversarial litigation process. Mediations involve far fewer people and systems than litigation. There aren’t back-ups as a result of court schedules and delays. As well, for the majority of the process, there is only one mediator and not two lawyers. That results in tremendous cost savings.
Mediation is designed to tamp down the emotional turbulence associated with divorce. Mediation is a rational process with simple, but effective, methods that help separating couples learn to communicate – for their benefit and that of their children. More peace at such a chaotic time is a welcome relief.
Learn more about Mediation versus Litigation.
TOP
Q: How can I mediate with my spouse? We can barely talk to each other.
A: Mediation is a process that lends itself well to both high- and low-conflict divorces. Success in mediation is not dependent upon parties being initially in agreement. Hurt feelings are natural, and parties are not expected to always be accommodating of each other in a divorce situation. We work on this and keep things civilized.
The mediation process has simple rules and a flexible structure that helps to create a calm environment for parties who are negotiating stressful and emotionally charged issues. In mediation, the emphasis is on moving forward and creating mutually beneficial opportunities – neither of which inflames the passions like a court battle.
TOP
Q: How does the process work?
A: Divorce mediations allow you, as a couple and as parents, to work out the terms of your own separation agreement. Mediations works in 5 stages:
Q: What is the mediator’s role?
A: The mediator is a professional and unbiased facilitator of communication between you and your spouse. Our role is to help you make the best decisions possible in your divorce settlement, for the long-term best interest of yourself and your children.
Q: Is mediation right for me?
A: Mediation is an excellent settlement option for most divorcing couples. Mediation is not appropriate, however, when the following situations apply:
Q: What do I need to bring to the first mediation session?
A: At the first session, you will not need to bring any specific paperwork, however payment by check will be expected at the first session.
At that first session, you and your spouse will tell us what you see as the most important facts and issues to be mediated. The mediator will then be able to discuss with the parties their "homework" (collection of documents, preparation of budgets, preparation of income & expense sheets, etc.) as appropriate.
TOP
Q: What documents will I need to gather and/or prepare for mediation?
A: BOTH Parties MAY need to provide:
Q: Do I still need an attorney even if I choose to mediate?
A: We do recommend that you and your spouse have your own separate attorneys review the Memorandum of Understanding (settlement agreement) before you sign it. This is true even though the law recognizes and will enforce a signed mediated agreement as it would any other contract.
TOP
Q: Do I need to hire other experts and professionals?
A: It all depends on the facts and issues in your case. As a general rule, it is always best to have as much expert advice and information as possible upon which to base your settlement choices. Your decision to hire experts will depend on factors such as your level of expertise, the complexity of the information you need to understand and the cost of this expert advice and information.
TOP
Q: How long does mediation take?
A: Most mediations take between 4-6 sessions. Each session lasts about 2-3 hours. There is no delay as a result of court schedules, phone and email "tag" between opposing lawyers and parties and all of the preparation, filing and service of the paperwork that is necessary in litigation. Direct party-to-party negotiation, with the assistance of a mediator, is much more time efficient than the adversarial alternative.
TOP
Q: How can I get my spouse to come to mediation?
A: If your spouse is reluctant to attend mediation with you, we would be happy to call him or her and explain the process and benefits of mediation, and answer any questions that he/she may have.
TOP
Q: How much does mediation cost?
A: Graine Mediation charges $150 per hour. With the average mediation taking 5 sessions at 2 hours per session, plus approximately 2 hours for preparation of the Memorandum of Understanding, the cost averages $1,800. For more information see our FAQs: Fees & Comparison Chart.
TOP
Q: I don’t understand finance or our personal finances very well. How can I mediate when I don’t know everything about our money and how it all works?
A: It is the mediator’s duty to ensure that both you and your spouse understand your financial documents, at least well enough to be able to reach informed decisions about your life now and in the future. Parties are encouraged to hire experts (e.g., CPA’s, Certified Financial Planners, Business Actuaries, etc.) where necessary and appropriate.
TOP
Q: Can mediation work in complicated financial situations?
A: Yes. Mediation is actually a perfect setting to work through a complicated divorce settlement. The non-adversarial nature of mediation will allow you and your spouse to focus on the details of the financial aspects of your divorce and avoid the distractions of litigation’s procedural and posturing pitfalls.
TOP
Q: Do I still need a lawyer?
A: Yes. Attorney respresentation is encouraged but is not required. Your lawyers can be there for private consultation and are always welcome to attend the mediation sessions with you. Mediators are allowed to give you some legally relevant information, but the law only allows attorneys to give legal advice. The Supreme Court of Virginia certifies mediators to help settle divorce disputes, but legal representation, at least for a final review of the Memorandum of Understanding and for procedural aspects of the divorce itself, is money well spent.
TOP
Q: Will you help us in determining what is best for our children?
A: Yes. In mediation, we help you and your spouse keep the lines of communication open so that the two of you can make your own decisions about your own children. The mediator will help you to see, through useful information and input from yourselves and your own network of teachers, friends, professionals and experts (if necessary), how varying custody and visitation options may affect your children’s well being.
TOP
Q: Is a mediation agreement legally binding?
A: Yes. Written and signed agreements reached in mediation are enforceable in law as any other contract.
Why would I mediate instead of litigate my divorce?
How can I mediate with my spouse? We can barely talk to each other.
How does the process work?
What is the mediator’s role?
How long does mediation take?
Is mediation right for me?
What do I need to bring to the first mediation session?
What documents will I need to gather and/or prepare for mediation?
Do I still need an attorney even if I choose to mediate?
Do I need to hire other experts and professionals?
How can I get my spouse to come to mediation?
How much does mediation cost?
I don’t understand finance or our personal finances very well. How can I mediate when I don’t know everything about our money and how it all works?
Can mediation work in complicated financial situations?
Do I still need a lawyer?
Will you help us in determining what is best for our children?
Is a mediation agreement legally binding?
Q: What is mediation?
A: Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process. In a divorce mediation, you and your spouse meet and talk together with the assistance, guidance and encouragement of a trained communications facilitator (mediator). In these meetings, you will work out your own settlement solutions to specific issues and conflicts. Mediation is also confidential and voluntary.
TOP
Q: Why would I mediate instead of litigate my divorce?
A: Mediation is faster, less expensive and tends to create much less emotional turbulence for you and your children than the adversarial litigation process. Mediations involve far fewer people and systems than litigation. There aren’t back-ups as a result of court schedules and delays. As well, for the majority of the process, there is only one mediator and not two lawyers. That results in tremendous cost savings.
Mediation is designed to tamp down the emotional turbulence associated with divorce. Mediation is a rational process with simple, but effective, methods that help separating couples learn to communicate – for their benefit and that of their children. More peace at such a chaotic time is a welcome relief.
Learn more about Mediation versus Litigation.
TOP
Q: How can I mediate with my spouse? We can barely talk to each other.
A: Mediation is a process that lends itself well to both high- and low-conflict divorces. Success in mediation is not dependent upon parties being initially in agreement. Hurt feelings are natural, and parties are not expected to always be accommodating of each other in a divorce situation. We work on this and keep things civilized.
The mediation process has simple rules and a flexible structure that helps to create a calm environment for parties who are negotiating stressful and emotionally charged issues. In mediation, the emphasis is on moving forward and creating mutually beneficial opportunities – neither of which inflames the passions like a court battle.
TOP
Q: How does the process work?
A: Divorce mediations allow you, as a couple and as parents, to work out the terms of your own separation agreement. Mediations works in 5 stages:
- Orientation
- Issue Determination
- Homework (if necessary)
- Option Generation
- Written Memorandum of Understanding (Settlement Agreement).
- Most divorce mediations take between 4-6 sessions.
- Each session lasts about 2 hours.
- The mediator will meet with you together, and separately, if appropriate.
Q: What is the mediator’s role?
A: The mediator is a professional and unbiased facilitator of communication between you and your spouse. Our role is to help you make the best decisions possible in your divorce settlement, for the long-term best interest of yourself and your children.
- The mediator listens carefully to both of your perspectives and, through careful intervention, helps you to phrase your stories and frustrations in a way that is understandable to your spouse. The mediator helps you to hear and process what your spouse has to say about the conflicts (“hearing” is different from “agreeing with”), and encourages both sides to keep an open mind.
- The mediator will help you to identify and clarify issues for resolution.
- The mediator helps get all relevant information on the table.
- The mediator helps the parties’ manage their emotional reactions. They keep the focus on forward thinking and steer the conversation away from past wrongs, blame and punishment.
- If you have children, the mediator will help you and your spouse stay on track and focused on your children’s well being.
- If an agreement is reached, the mediator will write up your agreement in a Memorandum of Understanding (Settlement Agreement).
Q: Is mediation right for me?
A: Mediation is an excellent settlement option for most divorcing couples. Mediation is not appropriate, however, when the following situations apply:
- Physical Abuse – present or past history; threats of bodily harm; fear of violence; strong intimidation.
- Order of Protection in place.
- Knowledge that your spouse is actively concealing assets, but no knowledge as to where those assets may be.
- Inability to understand the issues or participate in settlement negotiations.
Q: What do I need to bring to the first mediation session?
A: At the first session, you will not need to bring any specific paperwork, however payment by check will be expected at the first session.
At that first session, you and your spouse will tell us what you see as the most important facts and issues to be mediated. The mediator will then be able to discuss with the parties their "homework" (collection of documents, preparation of budgets, preparation of income & expense sheets, etc.) as appropriate.
TOP
Q: What documents will I need to gather and/or prepare for mediation?
A: BOTH Parties MAY need to provide:
- Tax Returns , W-2's & 1099's – Personal & Corporate (last 3 years)
- Partnership/Corporate Financial Statements (last 3 years)
- Payroll Stubs (last 3)
- Monthly/budget income and expenses list/chart/spreadsheet (last 12 months)
- Social Security Statement (most recent)
- Life Insurance Policies (copy of the policies & any addendums) & premium statement (most recent)
- Pension Plans (Defined Benefit & Defined Contribution) (booklets, contact person, most recent statements)
- All Employee Benefit and Executive Compensation Booklets and Statements
- Stock Options (most recent statement, booklets)
- IRA, Roth IRA, Keogh, SEP, 401K, 403B, 457 & Non-Qualified Deferred Compansation Statements and contact person (last 3 years)
- Savings Account Statements for Individual, Joint, Business & Corporate Accounts (last 3 years)
- Statements regarding Securities, Money Markets, Brokerage, CD's, Commodities, Mutual Funds, Investment Accounts, Annuities, Stocks & Bonds for Individual, Joint, Business & Corporate Accunts
- Wills, Trusts and Amendments or Codicils
- Business or Partnership Agreements
- Children’s Bank, Savings, Insurance and Investment Account Statement (last 3 years)
- Credit Card Statements for Individual, Joint, Business & Partnership Accounts (last 3 years)
- Loans of any kind for Individual, Joint, Business & Partnership Accounts (last 3 years)
- Listing of all non-investment assets own Individually, Jointly, by a Business or Partnership
- Information on any Cash or In-Kind Transactions for the last 3 years (e.g., barter)
Q: Do I still need an attorney even if I choose to mediate?
A: We do recommend that you and your spouse have your own separate attorneys review the Memorandum of Understanding (settlement agreement) before you sign it. This is true even though the law recognizes and will enforce a signed mediated agreement as it would any other contract.
TOP
Q: Do I need to hire other experts and professionals?
A: It all depends on the facts and issues in your case. As a general rule, it is always best to have as much expert advice and information as possible upon which to base your settlement choices. Your decision to hire experts will depend on factors such as your level of expertise, the complexity of the information you need to understand and the cost of this expert advice and information.
TOP
Q: How long does mediation take?
A: Most mediations take between 4-6 sessions. Each session lasts about 2-3 hours. There is no delay as a result of court schedules, phone and email "tag" between opposing lawyers and parties and all of the preparation, filing and service of the paperwork that is necessary in litigation. Direct party-to-party negotiation, with the assistance of a mediator, is much more time efficient than the adversarial alternative.
TOP
Q: How can I get my spouse to come to mediation?
A: If your spouse is reluctant to attend mediation with you, we would be happy to call him or her and explain the process and benefits of mediation, and answer any questions that he/she may have.
TOP
Q: How much does mediation cost?
A: Graine Mediation charges $150 per hour. With the average mediation taking 5 sessions at 2 hours per session, plus approximately 2 hours for preparation of the Memorandum of Understanding, the cost averages $1,800. For more information see our FAQs: Fees & Comparison Chart.
TOP
Q: I don’t understand finance or our personal finances very well. How can I mediate when I don’t know everything about our money and how it all works?
A: It is the mediator’s duty to ensure that both you and your spouse understand your financial documents, at least well enough to be able to reach informed decisions about your life now and in the future. Parties are encouraged to hire experts (e.g., CPA’s, Certified Financial Planners, Business Actuaries, etc.) where necessary and appropriate.
TOP
Q: Can mediation work in complicated financial situations?
A: Yes. Mediation is actually a perfect setting to work through a complicated divorce settlement. The non-adversarial nature of mediation will allow you and your spouse to focus on the details of the financial aspects of your divorce and avoid the distractions of litigation’s procedural and posturing pitfalls.
TOP
Q: Do I still need a lawyer?
A: Yes. Attorney respresentation is encouraged but is not required. Your lawyers can be there for private consultation and are always welcome to attend the mediation sessions with you. Mediators are allowed to give you some legally relevant information, but the law only allows attorneys to give legal advice. The Supreme Court of Virginia certifies mediators to help settle divorce disputes, but legal representation, at least for a final review of the Memorandum of Understanding and for procedural aspects of the divorce itself, is money well spent.
TOP
Q: Will you help us in determining what is best for our children?
A: Yes. In mediation, we help you and your spouse keep the lines of communication open so that the two of you can make your own decisions about your own children. The mediator will help you to see, through useful information and input from yourselves and your own network of teachers, friends, professionals and experts (if necessary), how varying custody and visitation options may affect your children’s well being.
TOP
Q: Is a mediation agreement legally binding?
A: Yes. Written and signed agreements reached in mediation are enforceable in law as any other contract.
